Trying to sell my car as I am, putting perfect pictures online with highly detailed descriptions and informative pricing and offer policy, you could only imagine my glee upon receipt of the following e-mail.

Hello seller.
Im  james Run by name ,I came accross your contact details through web directory concerning the used car you have for sale and im highly interested in purchasing it.I will like to know all the details about the car before  proceeding with the payment…..

1. How long have you owned it?

2. Why are you selling it?

3. Last Price?

4. Any avaliable photo?

So, your swift response to these required information would be highly entertained before proceeding to the next stage. The method of payment is Cheque. Kindly email back, if it’s still forsale. Hope to hear from you asap.HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY
Regards.
James

A quick check on the headers and oh yes, it’s our sub-Saharan friends apparently or at least the IP address seems to say so. So, the poor guy took time to write to me; the least I could do was write back:

Dear James,

I am so delighted to hear from you. I showed your e-mail to my doctor and he gave me the great news that your e-mail means that I should bill you for the sum of US$ 40,000,000. Unfortunately this money can only be delivered to me by carrier pigeon, such is the international treaty on the matter. I realise that pigeons are in short supply but I believe that you have the ability to get some being a person of great resources. The bad news is that if this money does not reach me in 3 days from sub-Saharan departure I will have to assign the matter to the international authorities to reclaim this money for me. I will await the first pigeon and inform you when all monies have been received. If too much money is received then I will send the overpayment by unverifiable money transfer to your account of which I do not have the details. However, the paperwork will look impressive. Naturally I will refund too much money as I am stupid and as such I must ask that you advance me £100 to cover this stupidity.

Kindest Regards,

Dyelook Stew Pidtuya

I’m checking the sky everyday, waiting for that first pigeon…